After a few alarming events, usually involving the inability to get out of bed for fear of passing out or vomiting, I decided to seek medical attention while on a tour stop in Toronto (this being while I was still living in Halifax). I went to a clinic where the doctor, having asked me what I did for a living, informed me that he would be in no way able to prescribe me narcotics. After I explained that I wasn't interested in that, and that I was concerned that I might have some sort of inner ear issue or worse, he examined me. Nothing physically seemed to be wrong, and he suggested that I may be suffering anxiety attacks. He ran down a list of possible causes: loud noises, flashing lights, confined spaces, nervousness, exhaustion, bad diet. He basically described life on the road in a nutshell.
Having concluded that panic attacks were going to be part of my life, they actually lessened in frequency, but when they returned it could be Hellish. Part of the problem with panic attacks is that they sort of fold over onto themselves. You start to worry that you're having an attack, and that makes it worse, and then you start to worry that it's getting worse, and that in turn makes it even more worse, and so on. Rest, hydration, and eating can help, but once the panic sets in, it's almost impossible to shake it.
While I've never had to cancel a show from an attack, I've had to have a chair at the side of the stage occasionally in case I feel dizziness setting in. At one show in Michigan several years ago I wasn't able to move from my amps, opting not to sing any of my songs and just play as much as I could from one position, head down, avoiding the audience and the lights.
A few years ago I decided that it was time to try medication, just to see if I was neglecting an option that could change my life for the better. After trying a few drugs, and having to change due to side-effects, my doctor settled on Venlafaxine. I was on a relatively low dosage. The anxiety stopped, but it was replaced by a whole host of side effects that came and went randomly. Initially I kept having these deep yawning fits, where it felt like I was going to fall asleep as I was walking down the street. Then I couldn't sleep, or else I slept too much. I would feel shaky, but there was no physical shakes, it just felt like my bones were vibrating under my skin. My memory was also effected, as well as my ability to concentrate. There were more, but nothing as debilitating as the anxiety that, after a few months, had all but disappeared.
I stayed on the drugs for about 18 months, when I decided that the physical toll of being on daily medication was becoming a concern. The long term effects of taking drugs of this nature are not conclusive, and the fact that my doctor kept giving me blood tests to monitor my liver and pancreas worried me.
Weaning myself off the drug took about a month, but I've read many accounts of people not being able to quit at all. There was an initial period of bad dreams or sleeplessness, but nothing too severe. A certain degree of anxiety has crept back into my life, but I'm trying to find more natural, long term solutions. This, of course, is simply my own choice, and not a recommendation to anyone. Anxiety and depression, which often go hand in hand, are powerful forces on a person and should be treated by a professional if there is a concern.
So now, having decided that the drug route, at least at this point in my life, is not where I want to go, I am having to try to deal with stress more naturally. I suck at this. I'm not a particularly disciplined person, and following any sort of regime gets boring very quickly. Rest, exercise, diet, and trying to take events one at a time and not bundling them all up in my mind, is what I'm trying to achieve. It helps to have people around you who understand.
I'm off to the gym and then to have a big salad!!
P.S.: I am not going to do either one of these, but I am going to have a nap.
This fan feels for you, Patrick. When it happens, maybe try putting the past and the future out of your mind, and just concentrate on the present moment. And don't forget to breathe.
Posted by: j-dog | 11/28/2010 at 11:52 AM
It's always interesting to me to hear other people's experiences with the evil Panic Attack Monster. I spent 6 years trying to fix mine au natural. I read countless amounts of literature, adjusted my diet, etc. but nothing has been able to get rid of them completely.
You know there are so many contributing factors to these types of problems, there will never be a one size fits all solution. I find the side effects of Venlafaxine meager compared to the effects of the anxiety and panick attacks. I have passed out and thrown up in more public places than I would like to admit (from the adrenaline spike & crash cause by the panic attack).
The Dr is hoping that 12-24 months on the drugs will help me find new ways to deal with my triggers so that with the life changes I've made I can function on my own or at least a lower dose.
I'm starting to recognize myself now, after about 14 months. It's an inexplicable feeling to be able to have fun and hang out with friends again, you just can't imagine unless you've lived it.
Posted by: PirateKitty | 11/12/2010 at 04:20 PM
Patrick, try the cure recommended in the Kinks song "National Health."
Posted by: BT | 11/10/2010 at 06:16 PM
Wow- just read about your anxiety attacks and I can sympathize with the situation since they are also a part of my life. Unfortunately a big part of my life. I'm on medication and for the most part it helps; I can only imagine how much worse it would be without it. Hang in there.
Posted by: Miss Joy | 11/07/2010 at 10:41 PM
Hey Pat- geez, me too. In addition to occasional meds I took a course in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction at the Artist Health Centre at Western Hospital on Bathurst. It's basically meditation and yoga and it really helped a lot.
http://www.ahcf.ca/mindful.html
xo AO
Posted by: Allison Outhit | 10/29/2010 at 02:17 PM
Thanks for posting this, Patrick. I have suffered from debilitating panic attacks almost my whole life. For the longest time I was ashamed of them and tried to hide them from everyone, which of course, only made them worse. Thanks again for letting people know they are not alone in their struggles!
Posted by: Erny | 10/25/2010 at 10:11 PM
No caffeine at all! You don't mention what your intake is, but for me, eliminating caffeine took care of the problem.
Posted by: Ballofuentes | 10/25/2010 at 12:30 PM
Wow, I never would've guessed from your stage presence. You look so calm and cool up there. I used to have debilitating anxiety attacks from time to time, and finally figured out (without a doctor's help) that it was my blood sugar getting out of whack (too much white starch and not enough protein). Just my two cents, there. Experiment with the food thing a bit and see if that helps. And yeah, napping is always good. Take care, my friend.
Posted by: David Sloan | 10/25/2010 at 12:33 AM
Wow, panic attacks, yawning fits, can't sleep, sleep too much, shaky and it feels like things are vibrating under the skin, losing ability to concentrate, bad dreams - you have described me. I was on different meds but didn't like the side affects, so now am simply trying to eat and drink better and badly deal with crap on my own.
Posted by: Gary | 10/24/2010 at 08:57 PM
My mother has agoraphobia (I think I spelled that right), I know it's different than your condition but panic attacks come with it.
The cure will kill you, you're right to eat the salad and water, food allergies are strongly linked to panic attacks, I've known several people who after seeing a food allergist had their panic attacks disappear. It's incredible with the generations since the baby boomers how many severe food allergies there are, seems linked to preservatives and sugars, they literally shut your body down. Sugar will be banned twenty years from now just for the reason that diabetes is currently becoming an epidemic.
Posted by: Keith | 10/24/2010 at 04:12 PM
I feel for you! The whole category of psych drugs can cause more problems than they solve. I don't think mine do a whole hell of a lot other than keep my heart rate over 100 at all times...but I've tried weaning off, and it turns out that I shouldn't (not that I can't - quitting the venla cold turkey doesn't affect me at all - but I *shouldn't*).
I'm lucky because I've studied pharmacology and molecular psych in grad courses so I've been able to work WITH my doctors; I hear a lot of bad stories of people not hearing about all the crappy effects of drugs before they try them, and many GPs (and even psychiatrists) know surprisingly little about the drugs they prescribe.
I'd give you helpful tips if I had any, but I suck at dealing with crap too. So I'll just say we can be 'suck at dealing with crap' buddies...and have that nap and salad...and water!
Posted by: Stevie | 10/23/2010 at 07:49 PM
Thanks for sharing. You really should have that salad. Big Sloan fan- keep on keepin' on, good sir.
PS- Loved your show in Columbus OH this past spring! Especially how you guys ended the set: Chris: "Not gonna lie, see you guys in another 10 years..." (Something to that effect)
Posted by: Evan | 10/23/2010 at 05:06 PM